“I wonder if caterpillars know they’re gonna fly some day or they just start building a cocoon and are like ‘why am I doing this’.”
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My mum was too embarrassed to tell the vet our tortoise was called voldetort so she just said his name was Susan
— sophie (@Scphietab) March 12, 2015
what did we do to deserve dogs pic.twitter.com/NkjbanT9gu
— kiersten (@kierstennamber) September 10, 2015
frogs googling "bugs how to find lots of bugs at night time delicious "
— lexie mountain (@mountainlex) June 15, 2013
"my house sure is quiet. i wish something was here yelling at me 100% of the time" -someone right before they get a bird
— ☠ still spooky lil helly ☠ (@hell_doe) May 1, 2014
Hmm… I think I'll name this creature "Fly."
— ghost mom (@radtoria) January 21, 2015
I wonder if caterpillars know they're gonna fly some day or they just start building a cocoon and are like 'why am I doing this'.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) June 12, 2013
FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) July 24, 2013
Duck internet search history:
what is "breadwinner"
how to become breadwinner
where to win bread
— Marin Hubka (@marinhubka) July 30, 2014
DOGS: ★★★★★ So cute, many colors & sizes, happy butts, cold noses, some know where the ball is, breath could be better. A++ WOULD PET AGAIN
— Sexy Rigged Election (@NicCageMatch) December 8, 2013
that time my father pronounced 'hors d'oeuvres' as 'horse divorce' in front of other humans
— julia davidovich (@juliadavidovich) November 23, 2012
How dare you call me mentally unstable, on this, the day of my cat's quinceanera.
— Frankie Zelnick (@phranqueigh) May 28, 2015
The fact that we know chameleons exist means they are worthless idiot failures
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) September 19, 2014
*walks past German Shepherd and nods* Officer…
— 𝙹𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚎 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚋𝚊𝚓𝚊𝚕 (@jackiecarbajal) December 30, 2014
did i ever tell you guys about the time we asked our HS teacher what he'd name a racehorse, & he said, w/out hesitation, "santa's boyfriend"
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) February 2, 2012
*parents come into my room*
"We need to talk to you… We think you're an owl."
*turns neck all the way around to face them*
"Who- I MEAN WHY"
— elaine (@IRLPepperMD) March 13, 2014
birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. let's do it, let's poop mid-air.
— Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) May 16, 2013
some cats are like "i hate this dumb name you gave me." but i like the ones that are clearly saying "FOOLS! COWER BEFORE THE IRE OF WAFFLES"
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) November 16, 2014
Do storks carry anything else or are they just like obsessed with babies
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) February 17, 2015
I like that the Reading Rainbow theme song starts off by aggressively one-upping butterflies
— Allegra Hallowingo (@allegraringo) June 9, 2014
"Um wow okay"
-all of Santa's other reindeer
— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) December 14, 2014
*sees a dog* *slowly turns head wide-eyed to life's 4th wall* A DOG
— Meredith Gran (@granulac) December 3, 2012