FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) July 24, 2013
Duck internet search history:
what is "breadwinner"
how to become breadwinner
where to win bread
— Marin Hubka (@marinhubka) July 30, 2014
DOGS: ★★★★★ So cute, many colors & sizes, happy butts, cold noses, some know where the ball is, breath could be better. A++ WOULD PET AGAIN
— Sexy Rigged Election (@NicCageMatch) December 8, 2013
that time my father pronounced 'hors d'oeuvres' as 'horse divorce' in front of other humans
— julia davidovich (@juliadavidovich) November 23, 2012
How dare you call me mentally unstable, on this, the day of my cat's quinceanera.
— Frankie Zelnick (@phranqueigh) May 28, 2015
The fact that we know chameleons exist means they are worthless idiot failures
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) September 19, 2014
*walks past German Shepherd and nods* Officer…
— 𝙹𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚎 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚋𝚊𝚓𝚊𝚕 (@jackiecarbajal) December 30, 2014
did i ever tell you guys about the time we asked our HS teacher what he'd name a racehorse, & he said, w/out hesitation, "santa's boyfriend"
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) February 2, 2012