Art for Dummies, a (not so serious) guide to famous painters

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When I was a student I had a very hard time remembering which artist belonged to a certain style and, consequently, to certain works.
If I came across in this guide before my studies would have been certainly easier.
The following is a funny guide that’ll help you link famous painters and their style and paintings together in the future.
Even though it was conceived as a joke you will realize how this list captures the essence of each artist, resulting in the end actually useful.

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If all the men look like cow-eyed curly-haired women, it’s Caravaggio.

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If everyone in the paintings has enormous asses, then it’s Rubens.

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If it’s something you saw on your acid trip last night, it’s Dali.

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If everybody has some sort of body malfunction, then it’s Picasso.

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If the paintings have tons of little people in them but otherwise seem normal, it’s Bruegel.

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If the paintings have lots of little people in them but also have a ton of crazy bullshit, it’s Bosch.

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If the images have a dark background and everyone has tortured expressions on their faces, it’s Titian.

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If everyone – including the women – looks like Putin, then it’s van Eyck.

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If everyone looks like hobos illuminated only by a dim streetlamp, it’s Rembrandt.

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If everyone is beautiful, naked, and stacked, it’s Michelangelo.

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If the painting could easily have a few chubby Cupids or sheep added (or already has them), it’s Boucher.

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If you see a ballerina, it’s Degas.

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If everything is highly-contrasted and sharp, sort of bluish, and everyone has gaunt bearded faces, it’s El Greco.

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Dappled light but no figures, it’s Monet.

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If every painting is the face of a uni-browed woman, it’s Frida.

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Dappled light and happy party-time people, it’s Renoir.

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Dappled light and unhappy party-time people, then it’s Manet.

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Excel sheet with coloured squares, it’s Mondrian.

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